


Lawrence

by MCkyman



Category: South Park
Genre: Comedy, Drama, F/F, F/M, High School, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-06
Updated: 2019-05-06
Packaged: 2020-02-27 01:50:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18729265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MCkyman/pseuds/MCkyman
Summary: The boys deal with Cartman's online best friend, Lawrence, who may be worst than fatass himself.





	Lawrence

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys!  
> I'm working on two fanfics right now, so this is going to be the easiest one to put out at the moment.  
> I'm going to try and make this as entertaining as possible for you all, so please enjoy and look out for the next chapter to Lawrence.
> 
> {Note: I haven't written anything in years, so please excuse any mistakes.}

_**Chapter 1: My Best Friend, Lawrence** _

__

People in South Park usually grew up with their neighborhood friends since they were in pre-school. It was rare for someone to find close relationships outside the little mountain town. However, it was easy for Cartman, who was hated by mostly everyone that he grew up with. So, finding friends online was one of the best decisions that he had ever made...

-

“Oh- oh and bro today, oh man, today Clyde was carrying his lunch tray and when he went to go sit down, the asshole fucking trips on his shoelace and fucking falls face-first into his mac and cheese-,”

Cartman couldn’t even finish the last word before bursting out in hysterical laughter. The memory of Clyde’s stupid expression when he tumbled down into his food made the situation funnier to him. Chips flew out of Cartman’s mouth and the bed shook beneath him as his laughter continued.

It was 10 pm on a school night and the 17-year-old brunet was spending time with his long-time internet best-friend, Lawrence.

The two met when they were both in 4th grade.

It was summer and everybody was out enjoying their vacation in the rare hot weather in South Park. Cartman couldn’t go anywhere because he was grounded for pushing Butters down a hill which almost killed the blond boy. Butters was ok though. He probably fractured a rib. No biggie, Cartman thought.

But it was a big deal once Butter’s parents complained to Liane after Butters had to get a cast for his arm. They weren’t upset about their son being hurt, but more about having to pay the expensive medical bills, which led to Liane paying them with the little money they had. Cartman never saw his mother so angry. She was usually so calm and less strict, but it was different this time. His mother grounded him for a week and even took Cartman’s Xbox. She wanted to take his iPad too, but Cartman hid it so she wouldn’t collect that as well.

On the second day of being punished, Cartman laid on his Dinosaur covered bed, bored as all hell. None of his friends were available and he was alone in the house. So, he decided to take random selfies of himself in his room.

After taking at least 50 pictures of himself, Cartman posted four of his favorite onto Twitter. He barely got any likes whenever he posted his selfies, but whatever. He was used to the, what he calls it, jealously and haters of his sweet bod. He made another post but uploaded one picture of him trying to show off his flabby ‘guns’. He put **#flexonthesehoes** in the text box and pressed post.

Cartman didn’t even get to blink before a random user named **Fatbuttpancakes** was the first to like it. Happy that the post got alike so fast, Cartman friended the person in an instant. He scrolled down the person’s Twitter, laughing at the stupid memes the person retweeted before he got a notification. Cartman saw that Fatbuttpancakes followed him back and a DM him as well. Hesitating a little, Cartman opened the message and it was a simple greeting from the user.

The two wrote back and forth for hours, days, and eventually years.

 

They never stopped being friends.

 

They were a perfect match.

 

\---

 

Lawrence chuckled, not because of the story, but because Cartman’s laughter was very contagious. He was happy that he found his headphones so wouldn’t have to lower the volume to his laptop. Cartman could get obnoxiously loud when he was excited or in a comedic mood. But Lawrence loved every second of the joyful emotions Cartman spewed.

Cartman wiped his teary eye and took a breath, trying to calm down his laughter. He didn’t give a fuck if his mother heard his loud conversations. The bitch used to always keep him up all night with her dirty shenanigans.

 

So, screw her, Cartman would say to himself.

 

Cartman coughed a little, trying to calm himself down, before sighing loudly. He leaned back on his headboard and looked at Lawrence with a smile, “Aw man bro, it was fucking hilarious.”

 

“Ha, sounds like a funny situation to witness.”

 

Cartman sat up again with a wider smile on his face, “Fuck yeah it was! The food got all over his stupid should have been left in 2000s leather jacket too.” Blue eyes rolled upwards, “It’s like no, Bebe isn’t going to fuck you, asshole. Stop being a fucking tool.”

 

“He should burn it-,”

 

Cartman nods wildly, “Yeah! He fucking needs to, holy shit!” Biting down on the last slightly salted chip, Cartman sighs again and looks over at his window.

 

Droplets of rain hit his window as the summer rain flowed hard outside. He had no lights on but the glare from his laptop, so he couldn’t see anything outside his window.

 

There was a comfortable silence between the two until Lawrence noticed Cartman staring into space. “You ok, Muffin?”

 

…

 

Muffin.

 

It was the gayest nickname Cartman had to get used to, but he didn’t mind after being friends with Lawrence since 4th grade. Lawrence claimed that he only started calling him Muffin because of Cartman's old Username **BigBonedMuffin**. It started as a joke but stuck with the two after a while.

Even though that nickname made Cartman cringe, it was way better than what his real-life friends called him...

 

He would replace Muffin with fatass any day.

 

“Yeaaah....just dreading going to school tomorrow...fucking hate everyone there...” Lawrance nodded and sighed, “Bro same. People at my school suck so much. I wish I could just.... snap my fingers and have them all turn into dust.” Cartman laughs, “If I could do that, Kyle would be the first to go.” That made Lawrance smirk.

 

“Yeah fuck Kyle.”

 

The two chuckles in sync before falling into a comfortable silence. Cartman pulls up his Spotify and selects his 80s pop music playlist to play in the background. Lawrence plops both of his hands on his chin, "But bro, you know what’s even more annoying?”

“What’s more annoying than school and Kyle?”

“I’m fucking moving tomorrow and have to go to school on that same day...” Cartman shakes his head, “That’s fucked up, bro.” Lawrance nods, “Yeah, and it’s going to be a different school too...but it's whatever.”

 

Cartman sighed again, “I fucking wish you moved here. My real-life friends suck so much..." Cartman flicks some chips off his laptop keyboard and pouts.

 

"We’d have so much fun...”

 

Lawrence smirked and looked down, “Wanna know where I’m going?” Before Lawrence could reveal the answer, the electricity shut down, leaving Cartman in total darkness.

 

He was silent before cursing and got out of bed to bang on his mother’s door.

 

“Fuck mom! Did you forget to fucking pay the goddamn bill, again?!” He heard a murmur coming from his mother but that was it. She wasn't feeling too great after taking 50 shots at some bar. That and the bags of coke she snorted up from random druggies.

 

Cartman banged on her door even harder before giving up and forcing himself to go to bed.

 

He fucking hated everyone, including his mom.

 

Well, maybe not everyone.

 

Lawrence was pretty cool.

 

He wondered what Lawrence was about to say before his whole house shut down.

 

Oh well, he thought closing his eyes, he’ll talk to him later.

 

\--

It sucked going to school without being able to take a shower or brush his teeth. He wasn't smelly or anything, but he still wanted the damn water to work so he could feel a little fresh. He thankfully had some deodorant sprays and gum to make sure he wasn’t going to stank up the school.

And even if he did, then oh fucking well. It was his mom’s fault for not being a responsible parent that took care of their bills.

Kenny smelled like a dog took a shit on a skunk’s asshole most of the time and still got pussy from very attractive girls at school.

The big grump huffed as he hopped into his car and drove to said person’s house.

\--

Pulling up near the railroad, Cartman beeped his horn loudly when he saw Kenny’s wild dirty blond hair.

“Come on asshole! Don’t have all fuckin day!”

Kenny waved to him, “I’m coming, just give me a sec!”

Cartman grumbled about poor people and watched as Kenny talked to his younger sister, Karen. She looked upset about something and Kenny was comforting her with one hand on her shoulder.

The blond was always such a caring big brother to Karen and did everything he could to make sure she grew up better than he did. It didn’t help that Kenny’s parents were always drunk or high out of their minds to teach her what’s wrong and right. His older brother couldn’t do shit either...he had his own three kids and a girlfriend to provide and be responsible for.

 

After kissing his sister on her forehead, Kenny finally runs over to the car with his bookbag hanging from his left arm. He opened the passenger seat door and sat down quickly, “Sorry Cartman, Karen was having a hard time.” Cartman rolled his eyes, “When doesn’t she have a fucking hard time, Jesus Christ.” Kenny frowns, “Shut the fuck up, fatass, you don’t understand what the kid goes through.” The car starts up again and Cartman makes a K turn to the main road.

“I’m telling you, Ken, she’s depressed because she hangs out with your Goth Girlfriend and her demonic ass friends.” Kenny shakes his head, “She’s fine. Hen is helping her be more confident in herself...” The brunet glances over at Kenny, “An emo teaching another younger emo to be confident? Seriously?”

 

“Dude, she’s Gothic.”

 

“What’s the fucking difference?”

 

Kenny ponders for a moment, “I don’t know dude, something about goths smoking and emo’s cutting themselves...I don’t know.”

 

Cartman rolled his eyes, “Whatever. Both are gay to me anyway.”

 

Kenny’s lightly darker blue eyes slid over to his friend, “Aren’t you gay too, fatass?” The blond smiled once he saw Cartman’s icy glare. “I’m not wrong, right? You like that big flaccid dick that goes straight up your fatas-,”

 

In an instant, Cartman stomps on the brakes making Kenny jerk forward and slam his face down in front of him. The car sits in the middle of the road in silence. A minute later, while Kenny groans from the pain, the brunet grins and watches the blood pour down Kenny’s red and bruised nose.

 

Kenny sits up, grabbing his nose and glares at Cartman, “A-are you fucking.... fucking insane-,”

 

“It’s what you get for A, being an asshole, and B, not wearing a goddamn seat belt.” Kenny leans his head back, holding his nose as blood continued to drip. “You’re such a fucking dick, you fat... fuck.” Adjusting his mirror, Cartman smirks, “Shut the hell up then...Oh, and seat belt!”

\--

Thank god the road wasn’t busy so they got to school on time. Cartman drove to the parking lot and found a good spot that was somewhat close to the entrance of the school. He put the car in park and sighed deeply, “Fuck. I don’t want to go to this shit hole.” He sits there for a moment before talking again, “Ken, maybe after the 4th period, we should leave school and- Oh fuck me!” Cartman pushes Kenny’s shoulder a little, but there’s no response from his friend, “Goddamnit, did you just fucking die?”

Kenny’s lifeless body sat still, face white as snow with dried up blood on the bottom half of his face. Cartman rolled his eyes, “You’re not rotting up in my damn car...but I can’t be late or else I’ll get in trouble again.” Thinking quickly, he decided to pick up the blond and throw him into the trunk. He’ll deal with the blood Kenny left behind later.

Kenny’s body usually disappears but his blood seemed to never go away with him.

Cartman slammed the trunk door down, grabbed his book bag and hurried to the school doors while pushing his way into the front where teens decided to hang around.

\--

Cartman made it to his first homeroom class, which was right next to his assigned locker. The teacher, Mr. Beck, introduced himself and talked about his dogs, family and other shit no one in the room cared about. He was a new teacher that had to replace their old homeroom teacher, Mr. Floyd, who was sadly killed by an angry cow. It was rumored that the drunken teacher tried to suck the milk out of the cow, but was crushed to death when the cow fell on top of him.

 

Truly tragic.

 

Cartman leaned back and waited to mumble a here once his name was called for attendance. Bored, his eyes wandered around the class and landed on Wendy and Jimmy who sat two rows away from him. He was ok with Jimmy, the guy enjoyed laughing with Cartman about random shit, but Wendy?

 

Oh, Wendy...

What a goddamn bitch they were.

 

He thought she.... they were such a fake woke bitch that had a kink for making his life miserable. He really couldn’t understand what Stan saw in them.

 

Or what he saw when he had a small crush on Wendy back in 3rd grade...

 

Wendy’s dark eyes wandered to Cartman's and the two didn’t hesitate to snarl at one another before looking away.

 

Stupid bitch, Cartman muttered to himself and plopped his chin on the backside of his hand.

\--

“Hey, Eric! Where’s Kenny? Is he not coming to school today?”

 

**First period. Reading and Writing class.**

 

Sitting at his desk, Cartman sighed and lazily gave his attention to the blond boy beside him.

 

“No Butters, Kenny died an hour ago.”

 

Butters frowned, “Real funny, Eric. You know, you shouldn’t keep puttin death on Ken like that. You never know when he could die for re-” Interrupting him, Cartman put his large hand up, not looking at Butters. “What did I tell you about saying more than 10 words to me in the morning, Butters?”

 

Butters sighed and sat straight up in his desk, “Well I’m just sayin. Death ain't something to be played with.”

 

“You’re still talking?”

 

Butters not taking the hint was about to say something else before the teacher, Mrs. Sandals, rushed in. “Hello students, hope you all studied for today’s quiz about the Watergate Scandal.” The class groaned in unison. Cartman cursed under his breath. He forgot about the quiz today...

 

Well, no biggie, Cartman looked over at his blond friend with a smile, all he had to do was copy Butter’s quiz.

 

An easy A+.

 

Mrs. Sandals huffed noting the negative response from the class before placing some folders on her desk. “We’ll start in a minute everyone, but first, we have a new student today.” The students looked around the room trying to figure out who the new classmate was. The teacher smiled and nodded to the boy who sat in the back. “Please, come to the front and introduce yourself.”

Everyone in the class gave the new student their attention as the teen slowly got up from the desk and walked to the front of the room. He stood in front of the board and awkwardly glanced at his shoes. He then looked up and smiled.

 

“Hey...um...name’s....”

 

Oh my god...

 

Cartman’s blue eyes sparkled and widen as he stared at the boy who didn’t seem to realize he was two feet away from him...

 

Oh my god, that’s-

 

“My name is Lawrance Pager. Just moved here...and uh...that’s it.”

 

Butters glanced over at Cartman whose mouth and eyes were open wide.

 

He nudged the brunet, “You ok, Eric?”

 

“I...I know him.”

 

Mrs. Sandals leaned in a little, “Would you like to tell us a little bit more about yourself, Lawrance?”

The raven-haired boy shrugged. “Nothing really interesting about me. I like video games, skateboarding and watching porn.”

 

The class laughed while Mrs. Sandals chastised Lawrance for mentioning unappropriated activity.

 

As everyone laughed, Cartman was still staring at his best friend in total shock.

 

Butters glanced at Lawrence who seemed to notice Cartman and smiled. “Hey, ain't that the Lawrence kid you talk to online?”

 

Cartman nodded slowly, still staring at Lawrance who continued to smile back hard.

 

The teacher shushed her students and frowned, “Well ok, nice to meet you, Lawrence. You may sit down now. Let us be appropriate with our words next time, young man.” Ignoring the teacher, Lawrence winked at Cartman before taking his seat at the back of the class. Cartman, still in shock, looked down at his desk and couldn’t contain the grin forming.

 

That son of a bitch, Cartman screamed in his mind excitedly.

 

Lawrence fucking knew Cartman lived in South Park...

 

Was this some sort of surprise?!

 

“Since you’re new Lawrence, you won't be taking the quiz now, but I still want you to read that article. As for everyone else, please take everything off your desk and pass the paper to the person next to you.”

 

Cartman twisted his body so he could face Lawrance who was already gleefully smiling back.

 

There was no way he could focus on the test knowing his best friend was right there!

\--

Kyle unlocked his locker and took out his chemistry book, which was replaced with his French textbook. The locker wasn’t as big to fit all of his heavy books, but he did the best he could to push them in there. Stan waited for Kyle to finish loading the locker, while he texted away to someone on his cell. Kyle put the password in before leaving the locker and walking to the lunchroom with Stan.

“Dude, I’m thinking about joining the dog rescue team this summer.” The two best friends stood in line with their trays in their hands. Kyle hummed, “Wow dude, that’s cool.” Stan smiled proudly, “Yeah dude, and it’s not too far away from home either! So, I’ll still be able to hang with you guys...Just not as much.” Kyle shook his head, “It’s cool Stan, I’ll be working at Whistlin Willy’s again anyway.” Stan watched as the lunch lady put mashed potatoes on his tray, “That place again? Thought you hated working there?”

Kyle did and dreaded applying a return form to work there for the summer. Last year, Kyle’s childhood restaurant quickly became something of a nightmare after having to deal with children and their irritated parents. The kids weren’t even the worst out of the two. The adults came in with attitudes and always had little remarks on how poorly of a waiter Kyle was...

Which wasn’t true at all. He knew he at least did an average job trying to be cheerful and patient with the customers. He also had a lot of pressure on his back as his assigned supervisor watched over him. He was constantly reminded to smile like you want to be here by his annoying boss. It was defiantly a challenge keeping the hotheaded side of him in check.

Kyle sighed, “I do, but it’s the only job I can apply to right now. Plus, the workdays are flexible.” Stan took out 5 dollars and handed it to the cashier lady, “Well, thank god I don’t have to work in shitty places like that again.” Kyle rolled his eyes, “Yeah, how lucky will you be after cleaning up piles of dog shit on the floor. Lucky asshole.” Stan smiles, “Dude, I’m just happy to help those poor dogs. Cleaning shit is the last thing I’m worried about.”

The two make their way to their familiar table and noticed no one else was there. Kyle looked around the cafeteria, “Hm, wonder where Kenny and Cartman are.”

Stan shrugged, “Not sure where Ken is, but Cartman is hanging out with that kid he talks to on the internet.” Kyle looked at Stan, “What kid from the internet?” Stan opened the top of his milk carton, "You know, that dude....uh, Terrence or something that Cartman talks about all the damn time.”

“He’s here?”

“Yeah, Butters said that he moved here recently and Cartman is extremely happy about it.” Kyle pondered for a moment before grabbing his fork. “Huh. That’s interesting.... well good. Maybe his friend can distract him enough so I can finally have some peace and quiet from fatass.” Stan slurped on his drink before tapping Kyle’s shoulder and pointing, “Oh dude, I think that’s him.” Kyle turned his body around to face where Stan was pointing.

He watched as Cartman laughed obnoxiously with his hand on the boy’s back. The guy was shorter than Cartman with medium-sized hair that was raven-colored like Stans. He had long side bangs that He kept wiping away every time they fell in front of his brown eyes. He just smiled while Cartman yapped on about random things Kyle could barely make out.

Cartman looked so...happy? It was kind of weird seeing a genuine look on his rival’s face. He only saw Cartman this happy when food was in front of his face.

Kyle nodded, “Hm. Seems like fatass is pretty excited over having an actual friend now.”

Stan smirked, “We aren’t his friends?”

Kyle shook his head, “I thought we agreed that he’s just some asshole we know and that’s it.”

Laughing, Stan nodded, “Oh right. You’re right.”

Stan and Kyle continued to watch Cartman with his friend until Cartman’s icy blue eyes caught Kyle’s green ones. There was a pregnant pause from Cartman who made his friend question what was up. Kyle frowned when the brunet suddenly pointed towards him. He watched as his friend followed Cartman’s finger before staring straight at Kyle as well. Cartman then waved for his friend to lean in and whispered something in the boy’s ear which made Cartman’s friend chuckle, still starring at Kyle.

Kyle frowned even more because he knew Cartman was saying something shitty about him. He should have expected the asshole to spout lies to his other friends. This made Kyle roll his eyes and turn around to eat his lunch.

 

The two boys walked over to the table, Cartman’s arm still on his friend’s back.

 

“Hey, you guys.”

 

Stan nodded, “Sup Cartman and uh, friend.” Cartman chuckled, “You mean best friend! This is Lawrence, the coolest mother fucker you two will ever meet!” Cartman pats Lawrence’s back smiling like a damn fool. Lawrence nodded back at Stan.

 

“Sup.”

 

Lawrence's eyes shifted to Kyle, “This is Kyle?” Kyle glanced at Cartman before nodding, “Y-yeah. Nice to meet you.” Lawrance looked Kyle up and down but didn’t say anything before turning to Cartman. “Hey, let's go get our lunch before it's too late. I’m fuckin starving, bro!”

“Agreed bro! See you losers later!” Without hesitation, Cartman jogs over to the lunch line, butting in front of some girls who were too focused on their conversation to notice.

Before leaving, Lawrance looked Kyle up and down one last time before turning away and huffing out, “Whack.”

 

….. Whack?

 

With a frown, Stan glanced at Kyle, “Whack? What does he mean by that?” Kyle grits his teeth, “I have no fucking clue Stan, but I already want to punch his fucking teeth in. What a fucking rude asshole.” Stan sighed and turned to eat his cold lunch, “Kind of expected him to be an asshole, being a close friend of Cartman and all...”

“What a shit head.” Kyle slammed his fist on the table, “Dude, he better not start hanging out with us, seriously.”

Stan nodded and slurped more of his drink. “I agree. He’s rude as shit.”

 

Kyle turned around and glared at the two as they got their late lunch.

 

He shouldn’t have been surprised that Cartman mentioned his name to some stranger. Probably bad-mouthed him to death and fed him lies about his character.

 

Typical Cartman behavior.

 

But in all, Lawrence just seemed like an annoying edgy person who was the perfect fit for Cartman.

 

Someone Kyle didn’t want anything to do with.

 

 

\--- Next Chapter- Fuck Off Lawrence

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> About the Muffin Nickname- Japanese artists used to always call Cartman a muffin for some reason. That just popped up in my head as a corny nickname someone would call another.   
> But yeah, new chapter soon!


End file.
